All I see are Rainbows and Butterflies....

Sabes donde yo puedo comprar la mota?

2005-03-22T13:02:00.000-07:00

I'm in MEXICO!
God it's beautiful, I'm in love with this place. Our condo is right on the beach, the water is beautiful, and I've never had so much fun in my life! The only thing is that everythings v. tainted by America, most people even speak english, and being at the condo place feels like being in America. Maybe I'll post later. If you get bored, call me, I can actually get calls here. I got a drunken phone call last night from Justin Romero. Funny kid.
Love
Bekah

And years make everything alright,

2005-03-14T19:03:00.000-07:00

You fall on me for anything you like,
And I, no I don't mind...

So, it's been a year. Officially. And I must say, I'm not sad. Yey for that.
But I am pissed off. Oh well, maybe someday he'll be able to remove his head from his ass and become again the decent person he once was.

On another note, Suburban Legends was amazing! And this time was even better than last time! That is one hot ska band!

Glorieta was ok, I think the highlight was the dance party we unoffically held in our closet sized hotel room. Seeing Danny, Dylan, Blake, Oscar, and Nate dance was probably the highlight of my life.

So here's a great new pickup line: (holds up a condom and says:) "would you like to tear here?" (pointing to the dotted line).
oh god, we have too much time on our hands.

"I caught you a delicious bass"

"why??? why did u spit on my mom?????"
"she was asking for it i swear!"

"mmmm this is like heaven in a cup!!!!"
"well you're heaven in a cup!"
"wait... what?"

"Am I just a pawn in your little game?"
"No, you're not a pawn, your like... a knight."
"I don't want to be a knight, I want to be the castle"
"Ok fine you can be the castle"
"Actually I want to be the queen."
"Ok fine be the queen, this is the dumbest conversation I've ever had."

"What do you want?"
"A medium rootbeer"
"I HATE ROOTBEER!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"Why?!"
"I just do ok"
"God, you hate everything"

Holy crap, for a second there I thought my boobs fell off, but it's ok, crisis diverted, they are O.K.!

I'm so glad there was a snow day today! I hadn't done like half the things i was supposed to do... its still snowing too! I went outside today and the snow was up to my knees. Pretty crazy! I was super pissed I didn't get to go into town though.

I hate those boys who break girl's hearts and have never been hurt by anyone.

Vrei sa pleci dar nu ma, nu ma iei,
Nu ma, nu ma iei,
Nu ma, nu ma, nu ma iei.
Chipul tau si dragostea din tei,
Mi-amintesc de ochii tai.

Graduation countdown: 2 months 7 days! frikin crazy stuff!

*sigh* my love has left me and now I too must depart...

Let's party it up!

There's been times, I'm so confused,

2005-02-28T20:18:00.000-07:00

All my roads, They lead to you
I just can't turn, And walk away...

It's hard to say, What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always, Be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do
Enough to prove, It's all for you.

"I like that hat on you"
"I like me on you"
“That’s NOT funny!”
“Oh my god! YES IT IS!”

“Christianity ruined Jesus for me.”

“You act normal, but I know you're crazy up there.”

“You look like a mix between the girl from the ring and someone really hot, that's hot."

"Oh my god! You're crazy! …that's hot"

“ENCOURAGEMENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“I really did think about you all day yesterday”

“I’m pregnant with his baby, it was conceived five minutes ago in a cemetery, it is now 7 cells and its name is Dennis Danger Dennison, a.k.a. ‘Dangy.’”

“Don’t touch me! I’m pregnant!”
“Wow I wish I could use that excuse”

“We're friends cuz we think alike and lovers cuz we're attractive.”

“Happiness is the temporary reward for your current flexibility.”

“.NOR EVEN EVIL NAMED EYE DE MAN LIVE NEVER ON.”

“Wait a second…. ‘Focass’?”
“What?”
“Isn’t it spelled ‘f-o-c-u-s’?”
“It’s a lot funnier when you pronounce it ‘FOCKASS’”

What can I say?
I’m tired of drama. TIRED OF IT!
I’m also tired of school. I found out that Seniors get out the first week of May. The makeup for the snow days are on May 26 and 27, MUAHAHAHAHAHA! That means that Fourth Quarter will be like a month long.
I really don’t have anything important to say. Everyone else has been really profound this week, and it’s so sad that lives have to end and that friends have to be lost. I feel too bad about that to complain about anything really…

“Tell me when you’re going to let me in, I’m getting tired and need somewhere to begin…”

Ohhh well. Obladi Oblada life goes on.

I’m super stoked about Suburban Legends! I’ve fallen in love with Keane. I don’t know what I would do without my music.

I’m quite happy I must say.

“Is this the place I’ve been dreaming of??????”

Happy Birthday Lisa! Yey! The BIG 18!

After having the flu for the past week I don’t know how people can be Bulimic. Throwing up is so gross, and to force yourself to do it?! I don’t need to worry about eating disorders, I don’t have the will power to be anorexic and I don’t have the stomach to be bulimic.

Since I have nothing of any real importance to say: Goodbye for now.

I'm dreaming 'bout those dreamy eyes...

2005-02-21T00:00:00.000-07:00

So, this is what it feels like to know I've ruined everything...

Not to be melodramtic but I think I'm going to cry.

It used to be that whenever I'd hear that people were being shitty and talking crap, I'd get really mad and angry and trash talk them, blah blah blah thus continuing the cycle. And I still do that to an extent, but now it makes me just incredibly sad.
sad.
sad.
sad.
I guess maybe I don't tell the people I care about that I do care about them? Is that it? Do I just expect them to know? I think I do just assume... And I guess I just am that selfish and bitchy and martyrish acting... Maybe I should work on that.
Here's a start: some blog shout-outs,
Emily: I heart you sooo much, you're my *Favourite Constant*, and I'm sorry I was unclear tonight, but oh my god, I'm so glad you weren't kidnapped or anything! You are definately one of the bestest friends I've ever had, you're so unselfish, and so amazing, I'm so lucky to know you. If you ever need anything, please please ask me.
Claire: I'm sorry I'm selfish. I'm sorry you feel like I was a terrible friend. I honestly never felt like I asked you to do anything that I wouldn't have gladly done if you had asked me to do it. I never used you to get Ben. I always tried with you, I know you think I didn't but I really did. I made you mixes and called and asked if you were ok, I bought u food when you didn't feel well, I invited you places. I TRIED. But I can't read your mind. I'm sorry I don't like being yelled at or being called selfish (even if it's true), I'm sorry I'm not perfect, but there comes a point when I just don't know what to do.
Erin: I know we don't hang out very much, but when we do I always have fun. I love talking to you about books and about weird ass shit. You're such a cool person, and I love how independent you are! I really want to go with you to a rave, it sounds like so much fun. Can you remember when we were in third grade...? It seems like yesterday.
Marj: Thanks for being such a great friend, we should hang out more, I know we're both so busy and stuff but who else will paint angry pictures with me on Valentines day?
Ayla: I know you're not reading this. And even if you were, I don't think it'd make much of a difference what I said, you'd probably just get mad and say what a bitch and a skanky whore I am. Not that I'm denying being either. I'm sorry that we're not friends anymore. I'm sorry you don't need me. Sorry for me anyways. I think I knew you pretty darn well, can't you see why I was so worried about you??? I can't even remember what I did to ruin it all. Not being friends with you anymore hurt way more than Zach and I breaking up ever did. I'm sorry it had to end this way.
George: Thank you kiddo for being such a great friend and putting up with me! I heart you, and I love hanging out with you. You're one of the smartest and wittiest people I've ever met, I love talking to you about music and politics! There's never a dull moment when with you. Let's go get tea (or not whatever).
Lisa: I know I haven't seen you much lately, but you are one of the most intersting people I've ever met. Your stories always make me laugh and I am for ever in your debt for introducing me to the world of Alex Maryol. Lets go see him! He's playing at Bluecorn like ever saturday for the next four weeks!
Vanessa: Thank you for being my atheistic religion buddy. I think it's great that you're so unconcerned with what other people think, that you are so incredibly independent and that you are so strong.

Ok that's enough for now.

Anyways, I saw Alex Maryol play yesterday, that was super exciting! He took a break and was smoking a cigarette at another table, and I look up, he's looking at me and says: "Hi, thanks for coming". I can't even remember what I said... But I know I turned bright red and probably replied with something along the lines of "eerrraaaayerrr...." or something else equally intelegent. Then I bought a CD and he signed it, and he told me he liked how my name was spelled and if I'd seen him play anywhere else? Seeing him at Bluecorn was better than on the Plaza or at El Farol. I just wished I could have danced... I didn't get to dance.

Since I like quotes...

"I'm spooning with ben. I don't have anything to think, will you help me out? I'm sharing a bed with three boys right now. Should I take ecstacy?"
"(You know inside I'm seething right?)"

"You're going either way, but the outcome is entirelly the result of how well you behave."

"We are going to strap them to cactuc's and hire a large man named Tank to butt rape them."

"... and I can just see you running down the road."
"Then he'll make some crack about a 400 mile leash."

"It's better to be a procrastinator than to be an over achiever because if you weren't procrastinating you'd be trying to do too many things all at once."

"Nobody expects the spanish inqusition."

"I see his dad every Sunday at church, and he prays SO hard! And I think to myself, what is he praying so hard for??? Then I remember, he's George's dad."

"I don't love you but I'm going to fuck you until someone better comes along."

"My stupid mouth has got me introuble, I've said too much agian..."

"How can you hate him?! He's my future husband!!!!"
"YOU, TOO YOUNG!"

"You need to stand there like you're really really hot."

"I don't like Dions! It's a coporation!"
"You work at ColdStone and drink Starbucks!"
"But I don't give them money!"

I graduate in exactly three months.

I don't know how I feel about that.

I'm v. tired.
Merry 21 of February to all, and to all, A good night.

Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say,

2005-02-15T21:06:00.000-07:00

I never want to let you down or have you go, it's better off this way…

Is it true? Do I care?
Honestly, you can try to wipe the memories aside,
but it's you that you erase
'cause there's no place that I could be without you… honestly.

Valentines day does not exist.

That said,

I painted a very morbid painting if I do say so myself. That’s what a Hallmark day will do to you. I hate Corporate America, they make us feel terrible and guilty and sad and depressed so that we’ll spend money. Damn bastards.
I have my next three weekends planned out, how sad is that? First thrifting in Albuquerque, then a secret excursion to ***** while wearing the clothes obtained from thrifting, then wearing the clothes from thrifting in order of decades (i.e., at 6 clothes from the sixties, at 7 clothes from the seventies, at 8 we’ll go eighties style, etc). Then it’s Glorieta and more thrifty clothes wearing and SUBURBAN LEGENDS (!).

I want a flapper dress. I think I need a dress-up day. I feel like dressing up and being fancy. God, this is what quitting drugs does to me….

“I’m not one to talk about people behind their backs but I’ve done so much for her, she’s such a bitch and a skanky ho”

Yeah well, you know what? I’m not one for acting on my urges to stomp on certain people’s faces, but for you I might have to make an exception.

"I GOT TWINS! This one plays chess (and that's hot) and that one doesn't do anything, but his brother plays chess, and that's hot."

"Mike has really nice abs Bekah, feel them..."

"Life is... like a box of chocolates, there's one good one and the rest taste like crap. Thats my theory on boys too."

"Ob la di, Ob la da, life goes on..."

"She's a crusty bitch."
"Wow, you've been hanging out with Bekah too much."

"My theory on girls is like... mangos, they look really good, seem really good, and taste really good, but I just can't eat them."

"Enough talk! Let's make some ART!"

"When I was little I went up to my grandmother and bit her butt"
"Why?!"
"I don't know."

"It's so cold here!"
"It's so hot here, I'm just wearing boxers."

"I heart you"
"I heart you more"
"Prove it"

"You shouldn't have said that, she's going to hit you later."
"I hope she does, I'd enjoy that."

"You're going to be a gay man and a feminist by the time that relationship is over."

"I hate the dirty looks people give you when you buy condoms!"
"Yeah, especially if you're so obviously a lesbian and buying them."

"Do you keep a list of how many boys you've turned gay?"

"I'd have to be really drunk to dance with you if you were dressed like that."
"Well then I guess you'll just have to be really drunk."

"Don't you think that you need somebody? Everybody needs somebody."

kisses
xoxoxo

Butterflies and Rainbows

2005-02-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Where'd you wanna go to
With nothing beside you
But webbing and curfews and rain?
And everything that hurts you
Is locked up inside you
Like butterflies with wings
And other perfect things

I've been noticing how incredibly whiny I am lately. I'm even whining about being whiny.
What have I succumb to?
Ohhhh well, we’ll all float on.
Anyhow, this week was rather uneventful. Monday started off O.K. and I got consistently more and more blah feeling as the week went on. By Thursday I was ready to cry and I think I might have, but that night was great and I was in a really good mood till half way through first period on Friday.
The weird thing is I have absolutely no reason to be unhappy. Everything is nice and dandy and fine, not exceptional, but nothing bad has happened… no one has died or anything… I just get in these really weird stages of being so incredibly unhappy. Weird...
They wouldn’t let me give blood, apparently my heart beats like twice as fast as a normal person. I’m soooo weird! I told my dad and he got all freaked out and was like “you need to go to the doctor!” but FUCK NO I’m so darn tired of doctors and them attaching electrodes to me and doing ultrasounds and putting me in big white tubes. So now he comes up to me randomly and takes my pulse and then is like “It’s still twice as fast as mine” or “well it went down to 98 that’s a little better”.
Next time something’s wrong with me I’m going to not tell anyone.
Sacre bloody bleu

“You know, if you were dead you’d be skinny”

“Then she walked out wearing only the bell boy’s shirt and grabbed the condom out of my hand”

“Oh my god! You could be an anti-drug commercial!”

“Sometimes I sleep in pot”

“Oh my gosh! He has a lock on the outside of his door! His parents lock him in his room!”
“What if there was a FIRE?”
“He’d DIE!”

“Tes yeux sont tres belles!”
“What’s that mean?”
“Your eyes are very beautiful”
“Bite me”

“I can’t believe you ate the whole box of Oreos!”

“Then I felt as if I was going to be sick… I puked all over my bed”

“I started crying because we didn’t have any fruit”

“Do you ever just want to be HAPPY?”
“Yes… as Buddha once said ‘If you accept things as they are, you will never be unhappy’, but Buddha obviously was never a teenage guy”

“He told me he bleeds every time he has sex, I told him he might want to get that checked out.”

“You should be kinky like your friends”
“Um, how so?”
“Or be easier at least”

“What are you afraid of?”
“Too many things…”

Tonight, I'm yours
And you are mine
I know a place we can hide
I know a place
Where we can finally see the rainbow
And we can fly fly fly fly fly

Be there.....

2005-02-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

SUBURBAN LEGENDS is COMING BACK to warehouse!!!!!!!!!

March 12 at 7!

That was hands down the best show I've EVER seen at Warehouse! Everyone MUUUUUUST GO!
It's going to be "totally bitchin'"!

I do this thing that I do because I....

2005-01-30T21:52:00.000-07:00

All that is left to one who grieves
Is convalescence. No change of heart or spiritual
Conversion, for the heart has changed
And the soul has been converted
To a thing that sees
How much it costs to lose a friend it loved.

-Gilgamesh

Sunday morning rain is falling… It's my favorite kind of weather today! But alas, I have no one to share it with. I just spent about 95% of yesterday asleep and I'm so awake now I want to just get up and run around in circles! lol no, I hate circles never mind.

I don't care if Monday's blue
Tuesday's grey and Wednesday too
Thursday, I don't care about you
It's Friday, I'm in love!

Life is soooo blue…. its twenty million different shades of blue!

One day you'll see the clear blue
Beyond the gray sky…

“TO THE FUTURE”
Went up to Cross of the Martyrs today. It was soooo very pretty with all the snow! I was all for ripping out the cross and building a shack, but George thought we should make a tent out of it using sheets instead,

“…then the cat jumped out of the bushes at us! I think it was trying to tell me something.”
“What was it trying to tell you?”
“I think it was telling me, ‘DON’T DO IT!’”

I’ve just realized how very bored I am with the way my life is… it’s the same all the time… all I do is go to school and on the weekends all I do is smoke… I’m so tired of it!

“No girl LIKES to give blow jobs, why would you want to touch a penis if you didn’t have to?”
“Are you sure about that?”
“YES”
“Why do girls have sex then?”
“’Cuz you don’t have to look at it, taste it, or touch it with your hands”
“But aren’t girls in the least bit interested about the male anatomy?”
“NO”

Boys are so… how can you keep yourself from caring about them? I can say “I hate boys” all I like, but that doesn’t make it true. I do that though, I tell myself over and over again not to like someone or not to get attached. But it always blows up in my face, and by the time I let my self accept it, I’ve ruined everything.

“KEEP YOUR CRACKERS AWAY FROM YOUR BANANNAS!”

We need a DGFP, now that I’m good at the D part of it. I’m a good D now, so we have to have a DGFP where I’m being a good D! Plus I think everyone just needs a nice relaxing break… “aaahhhh” DGFP!

“He said I was ‘worth waiting for’”
“You are”
“How sweet! Wait a second… You’re just doing that to earn points!”
“Damn, you saw right through that didn’t you?”

This was a really strange weekend. Tommy let the fire go out. Lisa hates parties. Tommy and Lisa act like they are dating now! (Sorry Lis, it’s cute, I had to say!) For some reason Santi knows LOTS of strange jokes. I saw Jonah-bonah this weekend! That kid is HOT! I shared a cigarette with him and his friend, he’s so HOT! (He reminds me of the girl from Meet Joe Black Lol). Saw Ben *sigh*. Got yelled at for being like an hour late for curfew, it was worth it.

I love it when people say my name, is that strange?

We need to go dance for donuts drunkenly at three in the Morning, we still haven’t done that! Dunkin Doughnuts doesn’t know what its missing…

I’ve just realized that I must be a very disturbed person… with that note, I’m off.

I think that you should know...

2005-01-23T20:09:00.000-07:00

I FUCKING HATE YOU

so

shut

the

fuck

up

thank you

*phew* had to get that out of my system.

On a different note:

"A balance of reason and passion brings virtue which is a state of neutrality, no let downs and no gains"
"But passion often makes you lose sense of reason, what then?"

I think I lost my sense of reason.

A few quotes to sum up my weekend:

'what were you doing with Bekah?'
'smoking a bowl'
'yeah right, sure'
'whatever, you don't have to believe me, she hates you anyways'

'what's your greatest fear?'
'i don't know... clowns prolly'
'why????'
'did you ever hear about that skitzophrenic midget clown? it would sneak into people's houses and play with their children and one day...'

'i want to rip out my insides and throw them at him!'
'i'm sure he'd like that'

'are you in pain?'
'no, i'm just walking all hunched over for the fun of it'

'i heard these funny noises so i turned on the light and saw all four of them on the bathroom floor in very... er, intersting positions'

'Emily Pepin is one of the funniest girls i've ever met'
'yeah, me too. one time she....... and now ayla hates us'
'oh my god! thats so fuckin hilarious! that girls awesome!'

'marlon branod's a really good actor'
'yeah, then he got fat and died'

'want some cranberry juice?'
'exscuse me while i go puke'

'ok, now you're going to take this medication once a day for ten days, the sideaffects are nausea, stomach upset, loss of appetite, diarrhea, drowsiness, dizziness, headache, and trouble sleeping. you're not pregnant are you? 'cuz if you are you shouldn't take this. oh yeah, avoid sunlight, make sure you eat lots of food, and don't under any surcamstances eat aluminum'
'AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!'

and last but not least a quote from my fav. band of all time:

Far is solace in the maddening pace
sad state written on my face
not a tight rope walk but dance
uncertain game of chance
but I'll see it through in time

*i love you all*

A posty just For my sunshiny Emily!

2005-01-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

Life is short then you get old so fuck it all and lets have some F---U---(and no, I don’t mean that as in short for ‘fuck you’, you didn’t let me finish, shhhhhheeeesh)---N!

This post is just for Emily ‘cuz she is fantasmical!

I am tired of sillyness high school rumors!
And of silly high school draaaama!
pshhhh all you silly high schoolers! OPEN YOUR EYES!

Let’s party like it’s May 21, 2005! Yey!

mymymy life is funny

life needs passion and excitement!

crumbling walls should be an excuse to run free and have fun and take chances!!!!
Not to build more…

"if you have a minute why don't we go... talk about it somewhere only we know..."

like.... cross of the martyrs.... beauty beyond all beauty, all summer sunsets

martyrs like my dead girl in my room... La Jeune Martyre

Have you ever had that moment where you just don’t know what to do….?
-WHAT DO I DO?!-

“this could be the end of everything… so why don't we go somewhere only we know…?”

i like those lingering hugs… those herb induced fits of passion… the insanity and the absurdity
i know I keep the reality at a distance. the question ends up being, am i brave enough to bring it close?

“my hopes are so high that your kiss might kill me. so won't you kill me, so I die happy…?”

Happy Days: 4 months 2 days till graduation! I HATE SCHOOL! LET IT END!
The only good things about school anymore are our nice little “adventures” at lunch, and what Emily and I are planning to make next week more exciting.

YEY FOR SIXTH PERIOD AND DELINQUANCY!

I better go try and do something of some value…

(it prolly won’t happen)

Hope this entertained you for even un momento Empants!

xxxxx

*Bekita*

WHY I LIKE FAKE FLOWERS:

2005-01-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

"You know Bekah, sometimes the dice just roll..."

I'll be true,
I'll be useful...
I'll be cavalier...
I'll be yours my dear and I'll belong to you...
if you'll just let me through
This is easy as lovers go,
so don't complicate it by hesitating
and this is wonderful as loving goes,
this is tailor-made, what's the sense in waiting?

Fake flowers never die. They never wilt. They don't get old and crusty. They just get a bit dusty and when they do you just shake them out...

But they don't smell pretty, they aren't as soft. THEY AREN'T REAL.
Sometimes it's those things that will eventually end that are the things worth experiencing...

you need the downs to have the ups right?

I do love flowers though... they are so pretty...

So if you're lonely, you know I'm here waiting for you...

2005-01-13T16:57:00.000-07:00

...I'm just a shot away from you.

Blah
blah
Blah
blah
Blah
blah

People tell me I'm pesamistic. I'm not pesamistic, I just know the difference between reality and the utopia that we all wish we lived in.

Believe it or not, I hate fighting with people. Verbally that is.
A friendly battle of wits? THAT I like.
I don't like serious fights.
Wrestling matches with no emotional drama? Count me in.
I'm tired of serious feelings, they are so DRAINING. They make me sad and tired and nauseated, hurt and angry and frustrated.
I really am selfish and a terrible person/friend.
I'm walking in circles! It's this big fuckin' circle that I'm walking around and around and around... I HATE CIRCLES

I do care though, as much as i try not to you.

Everybody needs somebody.

I wish I could be like one of those boys who is selfish and just horny and never gets emotional hurt or attatched, and gets good grades and smokes alot of pot and it just doesn't really matter 'cuz nothing really matters except having a good time.
THATS WHAT I WANT TO BE

Not to say I didn't try.

"Doesn't that make you feel empty though?"

yeah... thankyou, zacho it does. you hypocrite.

Enough about me. I just read that and Ayla's right: "if someone tells you the same thing over and over it must be true, so try and listen to me, then you can fix yourself" ah, ayla, you taught me so much.

School's bloody crap. As soon as schools over lets go on a road trip to the beach ok? Wouldn't that be awesome? Just lying on the beach during the day in the warm sun with nothing to worry about, and at night looking at the stars, just because we can?
Too much wistful thinking.

Blah

The Solution to Life

2005-01-10T21:47:00.000-07:00

-“I like drama, I try viewing it as a comedic tradgedy, there’s humor in everything, you just need to look hard enough, true, sometimes its cruel humor, but there’s always a yin to every yang”

*“Indeed, but I like the whole, ‘let’s just get stoned and not care about anything’ approach to life”

-“Haha, well that works for awhile but what happens when the weed runs out?”

*“You buy more”

-“Hm… but what happens when the cash flow runs out?”

*“You steal”

-“And what happens when you get caught?”

*“You kill yourself and go to heaven where there is an endless amount of weed”

-“Haha I like the way you think”

What would you think if someone asked to draw you naked?

2005-01-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My new years resolution this year is to excersize more, eat more, and gain NO WEIGHT. I kept last years resolution so I figure maybe I'll keep this years.

We are second semester seniors, can you believe it??? We graduate in 4 months and 17 days! crazy! I'm starting to think I might actually miss this place when I'm gone. It's weird, I used to hate this place and hate everyone in our class and I was pretty darn bitter towards most things in general... but now I'm going to miss my class, and my new sophmore buddies, and (I hate to admit it)I'm going to miss Santa Fe.

But I don't think I'll miss the opressivness of SMHS.

This SUCKS that breaks over. I wanted it to go out with a bang...

BANG!

I remember you were incredible

2004-12-23T23:05:00.000-07:00

It’s like a cigarette in the mouth
Or a hand shake in the doorway…
I look at you and smile because I’m fine!

ReCap
My bellybutton is pierced (but it’s a bitch to hide)
It’s almost Christmas
I’m not sure what has caused my completely apathetic feelings towards life
I love MJ (that might be it)
It’s bloody freeeeezing
I’m bored out of my frickin’ mind
I HATE FOOD, I’M SO TIRED OF IT
Boys are useless and not worth caring about
The weather is beautiful! (Except for when it tried to murder me)
But at least we’re not in school
And the only thing I want right now is to be sitting on that sunny beach in La Jolla…

(Where IS everyone? Em, do you really only get fucked up with Kyle????? Claire, have you fallen off the face of the Earth? You didn’t answer your phone, you must be dead… (but please don’t be, that would suck). Lisa, I don’t care what everyone else says/is busy doing, I think we need to get roaring smashed.)

I was just listening to “Love Line” and it said that women usually don’t get orgasms till they are in their twenties… and when they DO get one; it won’t be from sex…? Crazy eh? I wonder if that’s true…

I’m in a house shaped prison… I need to get outta here…

"I've found my life's purpose....

2004-12-19T18:33:00.000-07:00

... and it's getting upstairs into your bed"

The MOST AWESOME SONG EVER: Reverse by Pepper

Go download it or something, or ask me and I’ll burn it for you.
Listening to it makes you want to… smoke a joint and… just love life… and realize that we’ll all float on…. and in the meantime no worries, we'll just wait and see…

If your doctor ever tries to prescribe Macrobid to you, jump up and RUN, run as fast as you can, then don’t stop until you collapse from exhaustion. Believe me; your energy spent will have been well worth it.
I am seriously considering dying from infection rather than continue the pure agony that is being on this medication.

DGFP tonight and I’m missing it... *sigh*
And I missed George’s birthday last night… *sigh* (which was apparently fascinating, see Brian’s blog). And now I apparently owe him a birthday hug and bake…
GOD DAMN THE MEDICATION (I shake my fist in anger).

We’ll all float on well anyway….

It’s Christmas break and I’m not in a Christmas mood at all… I need to buy presents STILL and Christmas is less than a week away… I’m such a slacker.

GOOD NEWS: We graduate in only 5 months and 3 days.

BAD NEWS: We graduate in the absurdly long amount of time of 5 months and 3 days.

I don’t feel interesting today.

So I’ll leave you with this quote: “fuck... yeah...”

Leave me a comment, they make me feel special.

I'm a tease

2004-12-12T21:41:00.000-07:00

Be careful whose advice you buy,
but,
be patient with those who supply it.
Advice is a form of nostalgia,
dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal,
wiping it off,
painting over the ugly parts,
and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

"ahhh... shit"

I really want to call that person and tell him how absolutely horrible he was. Claire says he'd kill himself. I think he loves himself too much to care what I say.

I hope everyone has a fantabulous week!!!

Hmmm...

2004-12-04T18:00:00.000-07:00

I know it's hard to keep an open heart
When even friends seem out to harm you
But if you could heal a broken heart
Wouldn't time be out to charm you?

Bloody weird night last night…

I have a million bruises. I look like someone beat me up. Oh, well… we’ll all float on.
Things have been SO bazaar lately! I don’t know what to make of it. I’m mind boggled.
Boggled
Boggled
Boggled
My hair is BLACK with BRIGHT RED highlights! My mom hates it, I LOVE IT! I had the complete and utter satisfaction of getting what I wanted. I LOVE THAT FEELING!
HOW did I do that??? HOW HOW HOW? WoW, he’s wow hot. And I'm... So... HOW?

*Emily: I luv you, you are an amazing cool person. I’m sorry you’ve been so stressed lately, if you need anything just “hhalaaa”. *muah*

*Cliare: “aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh”. You’re a bad influence on me.

*Everyone: I LOOOOOOOOVE YOU!

BRAND NEW DAY!

2004-11-30T20:46:00.000-07:00

How many of you people out there
Been hurt in some kind of love affair?
And how many times did you swear
That you’d never love again?
How many lonely, sleepless nights?
How many lies, how many fights?
And why would you want to
Put yourself through all of that again?

Love is pain I hear you say
Love is a cruel and bitter way of
Paying you back for all the faith you ever had in your brain
How could it be that what you need the most
Can leave you feeling just like a ghost?
You never want to feel so sad and lost again

TADA! First post in a LONG time!

I’m staring off a BRAND NEW DAY!

From now on I’m going to:

Be Optimistic
Smile more
Be healthy
Not say I’m fat
Act kindly
Not hate so much
Try harder
Attempt not to procrastinate

We’ll see how long that lasts.

The key to my heart: Compliments

I would like to take this moment (to start off my Brand New Day) and say this to all which it may apply to:

I’m sorry if I’ve ever hurt you,
I’m sorry if I’ve ever not been there,
Thank you for all that you have ever done for me,
Sorry for acting stupid,
I’m sorry for crying,
Thank you for hope and faith and love,
Thank you for the support,
Sorry for the stubbornness,
Thank you for the patience…

Is it wrong that I was completely flattered by the guy checking me out at Posas today?
Well I was.
Is it wrong that I was completely flattered I made an impression on Keiko?
Well I was.
Is it wrong that one of my favorite compliments I’ve ever received was given to me by one of the people I hate most?
Well it was.
Is it wrong to like it when people like me?
Cuz I do…
Is Tommy’s lack of comment mean what I don’t want it to?
Prolly…

Another way to my heart: phone calls just to say “hey”.

I am Patriotic

2004-06-27T15:34:00.000-06:00

Stuck in America
Stuck In America
I'm lost in America
Stuck In America
- Sugarcult

Go see Fahrenheit 9/11. It's even better than Bowling For Columbine and Roger&Me.

It was really intense. There was one point while watching the movie when I realized that I had been digging my nails into my arms and that there were tears running down my face...

And I'm not one to cry at life, let alone a movie...

I won't worry my life away...

2004-06-23T22:36:00.000-06:00

When I fall in love,
I take my time.
There's no need to hurry when I'm makin' up my mind
You can turn of the sun,
But I'm still gonna shine.
And I'll tell you why...

'Cause the Remedy is the experience.

I'm in LOVE with Jason Mraz.

How could I not be??????

Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on...

2004-06-20T22:52:00.000-06:00

I've had an epiphany:
Even if things get heavy, we'll all float on!

I was kinda out of it there for awhile.
My life felt like someone had tied me to the back of a car by my feet then drove off going 100 mph down one of those really bad washboardy dirt roads...
But I think I'll just float on... :)
So now life feels like I'm lying on one of those floaty things just floating along in a sea of... er, traquility...

I'm sad/happy to say I lost the holypmics :(/:) So next time we have a party I am going to buy Lisa a HUUUUGE pizza with whatever she wants on it. (Though technically she hasn't officially won yet, she needs like 3 more or something).
I say that we need another party. (Don't you think?)
I dyed my hair! You all have to tell me if it looks awful or not.... :)
I miss everyone it seems like I haven't seen lots of my friends in awhile.
Anyways you should all let me know if you guys want to do something sometime...

Have you ever tasted cologne...? It has the most bizare taste... it sorta tastes the way it smells only with a bit of a metalically taste...

Update on my OH so intersting life:
I am happy to say that I did not get caught by Ninjas tonight.
I am unhappy to say that Tommy hates me :(
I am way happy to say that I just "Lob" Zach.
I am unhappy to say that the paint got taken off my car by those stupid eggs that those stupid fuckheads threw at my stupid car.
I am happy to say that if I ever find out who those stupid fuckheads are that I am going to bash in their windshield with their own head.

Tata, I love you all. Give me a call : )

Bleh

2004-06-13T00:16:00.000-06:00

Life is Bleh.

Lately I seem to be spending my time trying v. v. v. v. hard not to stoop to the v. v. v. v. low levels of certain other individuals.
I just try to grit my teeth and bear it....
Which gets rather difficult when all the veins in my head feel like they are about to explode if I don't just let it all out and punch that someone as hard as I possibly can.... which is SO tempting and inviting that I can almost feel the euphoric release of doing it.

This guy told me tonight I had a beautiful stomach. And that my smile made his day... And that he wanted to jump me in the middle of the frozen food section of Albertson's... Then I got my car egged.

That's life for you.

I'm pretty sure that I have singlehandedly (wow I can't spell) proved that Karma does exist. It does, it's kicking my butt for being such an awufl person *sigh* I wish I could be like Gandhi...

What do you do when you can't control where your mind wanders...?

2004-06-06T23:19:00.000-06:00

What do you do when your mind just goes off on a mental TANGENT? With out your expressed permission or consent? And you start thinking things you KNOW you shouldn't be thinking, or that you know you really don't WANT to be thinking? How do you get back in control?
Because frankly, I have very little control over my thoughts of late.
My new most common thought: "SHUT UP BRAIN!"

Lisa's going to make me an award. I think I deserve it. Getting snuck up on by "ninjas" TWICE in one night whilst doing important social things is definately not what I had on mi lista de cosas a hacer. Ah well, good times good times.

Have you ever looked at someone smiling at you and remembered a different person smiling at you in very much the same way? Then for a breif moment, the person smiling in your memory replaces the person standing infront of you? And then when you agian see the person thats physically with you you can't forget about the person in your mind, and no matter what you do, you can't bring yourself out of that shinning memory inorder to fully enjoy the present?
SHUT UP BRAIN!

Confusidness

2004-06-02T00:44:00.000-06:00

I'm confused. Will someone please lead me out of my confused state? Ok, pretty soon I am either going to get some ass, or kick some ass... what will it be? We shall have to see.... (ooh I rhymed). I'll keep you posted on my EXCITING LIFE!!!!!!
MUAH!

Life...

2004-05-28T21:35:00.000-06:00

Life can be summed up in one word: CRAPPY.

I love my friends though. You guys have been really great lately (like rays of sunshine)... and I know I bitch and whine and am quite disagreable towards you sometimes (not to mention just a plain 'ol pain in the ASS) but you guys really are wunda-ful.
Not everyone has a friend who will sit in a '67 Ford Mustang convertabile with you at midnight while crying together and comparing self inflicted burns...
Not everyone has a friend who will put her own butt on the line just so we can have a little fun ("it smells like vanilla... do you smell that? what's that smell?" ... "ah fuck, lets paint our nails")...
Not everyone has a friend who will physically open your mouth when you forget to breath, or hold you back when you freak out (even if you accidentaly punch them in the jaw a couple of times)...
Not everyone has a friend who will get up and make scrambled eggs in the too bright morning, standing at the stove for an hour even though the pan is smoking...
Not everyone has a friend who will force you to eat because they think you're anorexic (even if you're not)...
Not everyone has friends as great and as brilliant and as beautiful as mine,
There's so many more things you guys have done for me. You guys really rock my Brock.
And I'm sorry I was so... last night
I'm working on it I swear, it's just so hard to forget...

Sunshine

2004-05-26T22:14:00.000-06:00

Ok, so that was sorta depressing, and everyone's always saying I'm so "bitter" and "bitchy" and "pesamistic" so here is a list of things that are GREAT (thus not bitter, bitchy or pesamistic):
The pool opens Saturday!
Yey for Rock climbing and Tennis!
Bought an awesome new CD with my new fav. song on it (Give me more)
I have money!
I have the bestest friends in the whole wide world!
I'm going to see Alanis and BNL in concert with Empants!
Vans Warped Tour on June 29!
and best of all...
NOOOOO MOOOORE SCHOOOOOL, and we are SENIORS!

Silly Little Game

2004-05-26T21:44:00.000-06:00

Life is a silly little game.
Sometimes happiness can come from the most unexpected places.
Sometimes when you think that all happiness is out of reach, out of existence, and by no means accessible to someone like yourself, it just shows up.
Randomly.
Out of the blue.
Sometimes it’s the little things that bring me so much happiness.
Is it sad when one person can make all the difference? When ONE single entity can make my life, my day, my world just that much better?
I know that happiness, I could feel it. And yet, a certain sadness plays into it all…
what happens if it's all just taken away?